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Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an AP), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales — all of which are impervious to your exhortations.
And in the other case, narcissistic people don’t think the rules apply to them — and that doesn’t stop at poaching your spouse. Being in an affair has been likened to addiction — and you’re trying to sober them up.
If you find out she is lying to you, do not tolerate it and walk away from the relationship.
- Control yourself: Adapt your lifestyle too and try to spend less than usual.
There might also be some truth in it — but how fucked up is that? Gaining a life means you get your dignity and self-respect. Or a fleeting Sense of Aliveness, or whatever that Esther Perel bullshit is.
You’ve got better things to do than orbit Planet Narcissist in some intergalactic fact-finding mission.
The situation faced by many expats is that they don't mind paying, because they understand that the girl cannot afford some expenses that are clearly part of the "expat lifestyle".
If you find yourself in this kind of situation, I think you need to convince your girlfriend that the best you can do is "fake" the conversion to become Muslim in order to look good in front of her family, but keep your own religion without telling people except her.How do you arrange her coming to your home country?Should you help her when she or a member of her family gets sick, and to what extent? Which brings us to the other reason you should not confront the affair partner… In the first case, desperate people can do desperate things. Either, you’ve got really low self-esteem to be a side dish, or you’re flamingly narcissistic.