So a better approach is simply to problem-solve out loud, with him and your daughter present.For example, you could say, “Gee that’s wonderful that you’re going to do that.And that really saves me from having to change my son’s soccer carpool yet again. Just in case something comes up, let’s have a backup plan.” And then, when he says, “Nothing’s going to come up,” you can respond, “Well, I can’t imagine that anything will, but I’ve learned that it’s better to be prepared in these situations.” If all goes well, your daughter and niece will chime in with some other possibilities.
I know that she wants to do more things with me, but I'm too afraid of making plans which she could easily cancel(because here family disapproves), change or control with her sneakiness. Hi -- It's too bad, because she's very lucky to have a friend who understands her as well as you do! On the plus side she's been very helpful, useful and gives great conversation.Children and even teens, for example, are sometimes labeled sneaky when what they are doing is actually developmentally appropriate.They may be trying to figure out how much control they actually have over their own lives, or checking out the acceptable boundaries of behavior.Or trying to get away with doing something they think is reasonable, but the adults in their lives have forbidden for some reason the kid just doesn’t understand.Sometimes they don’t even realize what they’re doing, and far more often they don’t get what’s wrong with the behavior.